Lessons Learned

•Life is so amazing!
•What a great gift we have to been given to be here walking around on this beautiful place we call home!
I remind myself of these two things quite often every day!

Over the last year I have had many opportunities for growth, some more pleasant than others! I have realized just how out of balanced my life had become. When your life is so far out of balance it can be a real challenge to get it back into focus. I had gotten to a place in life where I was so consumed with making everyone else happy that I didn't even realize how miserable I was! In my mind, if every one else was happy than surely I would be. However as I've learned, that was not the case. It is really true that "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" I kept pushing through ignoring the red flags in front of me til finally I crashed! Emotionally I was spent! I couldn't move forward, I couldn't do anything except cry! That's when the bottom fell out of my world!

Now, one year later I feel better than I've ever felt! I have better relationships with my children, who I love and admire so much! I'm working on myself and learning what makes me happy! I'm sticking my toe back into the waters of dating and having fun learning what I like and what I want out of a relationship. Yes sometimes it still feels awkward when a guy texts or calls me, but it only lasts a couple of seconds now.
As I said in my last post, I still have moments of profound sadness that this couldn't have happened sooner. However I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason! I believe that Neil and I were together for the reason of having our amazing children and teaching each other some valuable life lessons. I wish him nothing but the best and I hope he finds true happiness. I love the Peace that I feel inside when I write things like that and know that I mean it with every fiber of my being!

I have come to believe some amazing things about myself, such as....

★I am a Beautiful, Divine Goddess of Love and Light, who is deserving and worthy of true and everlasting love! I radiate Peace and Hope while helping others to find theirs as well!

☆I am a Powerful Divine Creation, full of Love, Light and Energy! Empowering myself with the energy and drive for a Centered and Peaceful life!

★I am a Majestic Masterpiece, created in serenity, at one with the Divine!

Love, Light and Laughter ALWAYS!
Namasté

Gratitude

A day FULL of Gratitude! A year ago, I didn't know if life would be worth living. I mean, how could life go on without my other half, without the man who had been by my side for 25 years. With a future full of uncertainty and fear I fell into the depths of despair. The sadness was so profound that literally every fiber of my being hurt. I would find myself having to remind myself to breathe, which seems absolutely crazy but I would catch myself holding my breath. I longed for peace and serenity! I began grieving what would never be, family dinners, Christmas', birthday parties, Thanksgiving, etc. I felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of the enormous monster in front of me, Life alone! As friends and family would talk to me, I would hear them offer words of advice and comfort, all the while thinking, 'you have no idea what I'm going through' or 'sure, you've been divorced 2, 3, 4 times but this is different we were on our way to 25 years together!' Then there were the various dear friends and mentors who spoke with me, reminding me of the tools that I had in my emotional tool box to deal with the despair, angry and confusion, I didn't want to hear any of it! I wanted my pity party and I wanted to eat the whole damn cake! Thank goodness they never gave up on me, thank goodness no one EVER gave up on me, even though I had! I mean I was praying every day for my ticket home! All I wanted was the comfort of my dad's arms wrapped around me, telling me everything was going to be alright! Please God, please hear and answer my prayer!
Then one morning, I wish I could remember exactly when, or what triggered my shift because it was as if one morning I woke up and realized that my dad's arms were around me, that I could go on and that really truthfully in many ways my life wasn't going to be all that different! We had disconnected long ago and so being alone was something I had been battling for a long time, only now I knew it was real! I knew that I could still had all the birthdays, holidays, family time, it would just be different. So I began using my emotional tools in my arsenal and reaching out in times of struggle instead of pulling inward. I began smiling again, breathing easier again and loving the possibilities that lay ahead! Oh sure, I still had my moments and still do, however they have become fewer and fewer in between.
I am grateful for my amazing family, who encircled me with love and didn't let me give up! I am grateful for my wonderful friends, who picked me up continually through visits, phone calls, text, etc! I am forever grateful to my beautiful children who were constantly reminding me of all I had to live for and letting me know if their love for me! I am eternally grateful for loving Creator who has blessed me with a heart FULL of Love and a life FULL of Beautiful, Amazing, Inspiring people! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Namasté